The tent I'd love to have but hate to use

During the zombie apocalypse, what would be better to have in your backpack than a floating tent? Too futuristic you say? Nay nay my fellow zombie survivors, the future is now! The company Tentsile, has created one.  Let me introduce you to The Tensile Stingray Tent!!!! *cue trumpet flourish*

Cool right? Now obviously it doesn't actually float, but rather grasps onto three trees close by and cinches in place suspended above the ground, with an opening to the side and an inside trap door where you can lower a ladder. 

This unique tent is marketing with a few key points. According to their website, Tentsile states: "The structure comprises an adjustable frame of webbing straps with UV resistant PU coated and waterproof polyester-nylon fabric panels. The frame is held in tension by webbing straps that meet at each of the three anchor points, and under the floor to divide the space into individual hammocks. The unique design, provides comfortable and spacious accommodation in any environment.  The Tentsile Stingray tree tent can be suspended above the ground and so is not restricted by ground conditions or topography.  This advantage also provides separation from water logged areas, insects, snakes and major predators. "

In a demonstration video, they even talk about how great it would be for zombies!

http://youtu.be/SqImIChxJ-E?t=6m5s

Sounds perfect right? You're stuck outdoors, you need to sleep, you pitch a suspension tent. What could go wrong?

A lot actually. While it all sounds fine and well, setting up this tent when you have zombies to worry about is in of itself very hazardous. To be safe, you would want your tent suspended 10 feet above the ground, assuming even the tallest zombie (6' 5" for a super tall person with a 3 foot arm length which would be insane) would not be able to reach you. 

Now, I'm just going to go out on a limb and assume you're not packing around a ladder with you in your backpack, so it looks like you're climbing a tree. Not just one tree, but three trees! Fantastic! Now I don't know about you, but I like to consider myself a pretty decent tree climber, but finding three trees close by each other that are all climbable (not to mention sturdy enough to strap a tent to) is pretty difficult. 

Additionally let's take into consideration what happens if we are climbing our tree number two when a zombie walks by. Are you bringing a weapon with you up this tree? How are you supposed to climb a tree, manage a weapon and a strap that needs to be cinched all at the same time? Suddenly this really cool tent it looking less and less appealing. 

I suppose alternatively you could try the "throw and hope you catch a strong enough branch" method, but suddenly the time it takes to set this sucker up got a lot longer, which means more time a zombie(s) could find and attack you. Additionally, the tent itself has quite a few moving parts, and if even one of them breaks your entire abode could be potentially compromised. 

The bottom line is, while this tent is fantastic if we were dealing with a zombie apocalypse where only people shorter than 4' are affected, probably not the most practical item to actually implement. 

As always, stay alive my friends and fellow survivors, and I'll catch you next time! 

~Z.A.S.G.

scientia potentia est

Freezing my butt off and burning hair

Greetings my fellow Zombie Survivors! 

I know I said last week I was going to tackle siphoning gas, but guess what? It got really freaking cold outside and all I wanted to do what stay inside and curl up with a warm blanket in front of a blazing fire. I'm serious, I'm talking -6 degrees some days, and single digits the rest of the time. "So," I said to myself, "if i'm holed up inside and it's freezing cold and I need to make a fire how would I start one?"

The answer lies within the everyday household appliance: the dryer

If you're holed up inside a home chances are you really don't have much opportunity to go out and collect kindling to start a fire. The is all based off the assumption you have a lighter (we'll have "ways to start a fire" in a future blog in the event you don't). The answer lies in dryer lint. Dryer lint makes a great, lightweight and easy to find firestarter. Scavenging a home? Don't forget to clean out the lint trap and grab any toilet paper rolls or cardboard! It packs really well for easy carrying and is much lighter than firestarters you would find at the hardware store or from gathering in the woods.

First I raided my dryer. My husband and I have two cats, so between the two of us there was more than enough fuzz and hair caught in the lint trap. In my house, I'm the one responsible for the laundry. I have a really bad habit of forgetting to clean out the lint trap (much to my husband's chagrin), so there was plenty to spare.

I ended up with something like this:

 Then it was time to go outside. After bundling up with enough layers to put an eskimo to shame, I took this baby outside and lit it. I didn't actually end up making a fire. I'll have "how to make a fire" sometime in the future, don't worry about that, but for this week I really just wanted to test the integrity of my makeshift firestarter.

It was super cold and windy outside, so lighting it proved to be a challenge. I brought with me my handy dandy cigarette lighter (gotta have one!) and after about 17 tries I finally got the sucker lit.

It caught remarkably well and smoldered pretty decently despite the wind. I was super impressed with how long it lasted and didn't burn up as quickly as I would have guessed. The smoke itself was pretty stinky though. If you love the fragrance of burning cat hair and fuzz barbeque smell, this method will definitely jive with you.

Eventually it got to windy I had to chase the darn thing across the driveway to stamp it out, but all in all I would give this one an 10 for feasibility and how easy it was to find and make!

Stay tuned for more zombie survival adventures next week!

~Z.A.S.G.

scientia potentia est

Zombies are.........

What are we dealing with here?

One doesn't not simply start a zombie blog without first identifying what exactly zombies are...

First off, before we can embark down the never ending rabbit hole of the zombie apocalypse, we need to identify exactly what type of zombies we are dealing with. I can't go off on my zombie survival adventures with all of you poking holes in my ideas now can we? 

There are so many different variations of zombies portrayed throughout pop culture, ranging from the slow moving "dumb as a box of rocks" undead zombies to the fast, deadly, smart (terrifying) infected zombies, it's impossible to be prepared for all of them at the same time. For the sake of argument, in each case I will specify exactly what type of zombie we will be dealing with.

First, let's set some ground rules as to what is common throughout a zombie, regardless of the type. Zombies are ultimately humans that have been infected by the disease/virus/bacteria/radioactive waves etc. to make them lose their sense of self-awareness and their identify. They do not care for anything other than the consumption of human flesh. They will seek out human flesh regardless of the circumstances, cost or sacrifice to themselves. Zombies also are seen typically with a lemming mentality. One single zombie will not go off in a different direction simply because they had a different idea than the rest of the group. They cannot be cured and they are impervious to any type of trauma except for a blow to the brain. So let's identify our zombie types shall we?

Type 1: Romero Zombies (the stupid undead)

Think George A. Romero's 1968 film Night of the Living Dead. 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063350/

 These zombies have some very specific qualities. Their most cherished quality being their complete stupidity. These would be the ideal zombies to come face to face to, as the ultimately give humans the advantage. They do not know how to think critically and perform much more than basic motor skills. The slowest of the zombies, you can easily stay ahead of them while maintaining a job or even a brisk "power walk". They are easily distracted and have very short attention spans. Let's review their strength and weaknesses:

Strengths:

Brute Force

Silence (these zombies have nothing to say to us)

Increased endurance/no need to rest

Numbers

High Aggression

and 

Weaknesses:
Lacking in advanced motor skills (no opening door for this guy)
Impaired critical thinking abilities
Short attention span
Reduced speed

Type 2: Kirkman Zombie (Typical Zombie)

Think Kirkman's hit AMC show The Walking Dead. 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1520211/

These zombies are the ones I will be referencing most office throughout my endeavors. While I'm not a fan of The Walking Dead (too much people drama and not enough zombie drama), I feel Kirkman really portrayed an excellent zombie. If you were fit and fast as a human, you're probably fit and fast as a zombie? Where you a slowpoke as a human? You're a slowpoke as a zombie. Ultimately these zombies are my preference because they are what I imagine a zombie would really be capable of in the event of a plague.

Let's review:

Strengths:  (can you spot the trend below?)
Average cognitive skills
Average motor functions (can operate basic doors and mechanisms)
Average Strength
High Aggression
Average Speed

Notable specific Weaknesses:
Noise (these zombies are very noisy and aren't very good at sneaking up on you)
Predictability

Type 3: Brooks Zombie: The Relentless Undead

Max Brook's highly acclaimed novel World War Z portrays a very unique type of zombie. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_Z

In this case we are going to focus solely on the book (the movie was a complete abomination). They never give up and they never surrender! Seriously, these zombies are pretty much terrifying. Among their very notable qualities is their relentlessness for prey. If they catch the scent of prey they will never give up the attempt to catch it unless the scent fades. Simply put, you're locked up in your bunker with a zombie right outside because they saw you go in, you will never have even the remote chance it will give up and wander off. That zombie will still be waiting for you in two years if it knows you're there. They are also relentless in the sense they will pursue you with every cell in their body. They have to be pretty much pulverized before they can be considered dead. Lastly, one of their most terrifying qualities is their moan. A Brooks zombie will be silent unless they catch the scent or see prey. They will moan indicating they've found something worth hunting, which will have the effect of drawing any zombies within the vicinity. Those zombies will in turn moan, causing a huge ripple effect and drawing all zombies within miles and miles to a single location. Bottom line is: life with these zombies is ridiculously difficult. Their two weaknesses are freezing and time. Brooks zombies' bodies decay over time and they will freeze and "hibernate" in cold temperatures, allowing humans a brief respite during winter.

Let's review:

Strengths:
Never gives up
Moan summoning other zombies
Difficult to kill
Silent unless on the hunt

Weaknesses:
Natural decay/the passing of time
Freezing


As I stated previously, I will mostly be working with a Kirkman zombie. They are (in my opinion) the most realistic form of zombie. I purposely exclude "infected" variants of zombies, such as 28 days later zombies. My personal opinion is these variants of zombies are in fact NOT zombies, but rather simply infected humans. When dealing with The Infected, there are simply too much variations to address them all. 

Now that we've got that out of the way, onto the fun stuff! Let's go learn how to siphon gasoline!

~Z.A.S.G.

scientia potentia est

Obsession turned hobby/don't hand me a tin foil hat yet

I'm obsessed with zombies.

There, it's out on the table. Now, before you hand me a tin foil hat and a straight jacket, let me explain.

Everybody is afraid of something. Don't tell me "No, I'm not afraid of anything" because then you're a big fat liar. Everybody is afraid of something. Whether or not it's a rational fear is a different story. I'll be the first to admit my fear is very irrational. To date (and to my knowledge) there have been no zombie sightings or zombie plague outbreak, so I'll be the first to admit my fear is completely unfounded.

However, we all know someone (if it's not you already) who is afraid of something irrational. Sample a few fears below: 

The lump under the covers you don't remember being there before

Your reflection

Evil clowns

If you have an irrational fear of any of these things and are now traumatized, I apologize. If you didn't have an irrational fear of these things and you do now, I am equally sorry. You just need to understand my genuine fear of zombies. Sure, I'm a full grown adult and can rationalize to myself how silly being afraid of zombies is, but that doesn't get rid of my fear.

So I'm trying something new. Rather than trying rationality, I'm going to try being prepared instead. I started thinking to myself, learning new things never hurt anybody right? What if zombie apocalypse skills every come in handy in real life, then it'll will have only benefited me, right? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that learning survival skills actually might turn out to be a potentially useful and healthy hobby, so why not pick it up? The whole zombie aspect of learning these skills would just be an additional detail to incorporate into my skill set. Easy-peasy!

So there you have it. Zombie Apocalypse Survival Girl was born. My wonderful and loving husband has graciously agreed not to deem me crazy and actually support my desire to learn! The only stipulation was that I wasn't allowed to reallocate funds from our household budget to feed my new hobby, which works out great given that you should be able to learn and prepare yourself on as small a budget as possible. People with big fat bank accounts can't be the only ones who survive the zombie apocalypse.

Thus, I am embarking on a journey to learn everything I could possibly need to know when facing surviving a zombie infested world, ranging from siphoning gas from vehicles to makeshift weapons to basic gardening and foraging, all on a budget and with as much makeshift tools as possible.

To add icing on the cake I'm taking you along with me. :)

Okay so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration...but you get the drift.

Here begins the chronicles of Zombie Apocalypse Survival Girl. Wish me luck.

...and if things get too out of hand keep that tin foil hat on stand by.

~Z.A.S.G.

scientia potentia est